The Waiting Game...

When we started this journey Matthew and I, we knew there was going to be a lot of waiting involved.  We are at stage one of the waiting game.  I took the last (period starting) pill yesterday and should be starting my period any time now.  I have to wait for my period to start before I can start taking Femara.  I will take Femara days 3-7 of my cycle.  Around the 11th day I will start doing ovulation kits to find the day I ovulate.  The rest is pretty self explanatory of course hehe. 

I have PCOS, and therefore my body doesn't ovulate properly.  When looking back I figure I ovulated possibly once last year.  The fact that my body isn't ovulating like normal, has made it practically impossible for me to conceive. I've learned a lot about my body in the past year.  I never prepared myself for not being able to conceive.  I spent all my time worrying about getting ready for a baby and what a baby would need to worry about what my body needed.  I was getting my home ready for a baby and forgot to make sure their first home (my womb) was hospitable. 

I remember my mom telling me how she got pregnant for me, and how she was a fertile mertile and that I'd have no problems getting pregnant. There are many days that I wish she was right.  So many days that I get bitter towards those whom it comes so easy for.  I found myself the other day in tears and screaming at my computer screen because one of my FB friends is pregnant and keeps posting pictures of her baby bump.  I was screaming, "No one wants to see you FAT PREGNANT STOMACH!" Tears were streaming down my face, and I realized how bitter I was being and tried to quickly compose myself. Honestly she's a great girl and I'm very happy for her, but jealousy rears it's ugly head.

So here I sit on Saturday night... waiting... patiently for my period to start.  I never thought in a million years I'd ever be praying for my period to just hurry up and start.  No woman likes her period, but I find excitement growing deep inside me as I wait... wait... wait for mine! 

waiting.......